Growth Spurt, Breastfeeding and Formula

Holy cow!  Talk about wanting to eat!  Ollie hit his 2 week growth spurt the last few days and its been murder on me!  He wants to eat every hour and when he isn't eating, he wants to be cuddled up on me.  Don't get me wrong, I am loving every second of it, but jeez kid, give my body a break...lol!

I have been having an emotional time with breastfeeding (well, with production actually) and I have felt horrible about myself for it.  I have felt like a failure because he was hitting a growth spurt and I felt I wasn't producing enough for him to eat.  I am working with the lactation consultants in hopes of getting more out of me.  I am going to try Fenugreek and if that doesn't work, Reglan.  I know there is NOTHING wrong with giving him formula and I shouldn't feel bad about making the decision to switch him, if the time arises.  I just feel that I have worked so hard for him to be here and the ONE thing I *should* be able to do for him, I can't.  

I never thought I would feel this way about  breastfeeding.  I never cared too much about it, never thought about it or even cared if I ever did it.  Then Ollie was born.  The first time he latched on, I knew I wanted to do it. Its been 19 days and while its been tough a few times, its been total heaven.  I tried on one occasion to give him formula.  I mixed up a bottle, got situated on the couch and cried.  I couldn't do it. I felt like I was failing as a mother for giving him formula.  I don't know why I felt that way.  I wish I didn't.

Formula will not hurt him.  It will not harm him physically, emotionally or psychologically.  It will give him exactly what he needs if I can not.  Why do I have such an aversion at the moment with it then?  The women in my family have issues with production (sisters, mother, etc) and I know I will probably fall into this category in the near future, no matter what I do, so why am I freaking out about it?  Its food for my child and I need to think about his well being first, not myself.    I think typing this out is therapeutic for me and helps me get past the whole formula thing.  Oh, its taken me since 9:30 pm LAST NIGHT to fully write this!  A certain child wants me every 10 seconds and I can't say no!

He is his current picture from last night.  Yes, its a preemie outfit my little peanut is wearing!  He was 6lbs 12oz and 20inches long on Wednesday at his 2 week check up!